Some random nonsense

Ft: Me

My favourite past time is watching movies. The only difference is the movie is playing within my head and the main character is me and the set is my life. I love to replay my memories within my head, some of you may call it overthinking but I like to call it sleeping pills. So I am gonna share some pills with you all. Soo, let’s begin………..

First I remember my first story book. It was a collection of short fairy tales, my dad bought it for me and my mom used to read it for me every night. I liked it well that’s a understatement I loved it. So I read it till the pages tore off and my mind was exhausted. Then two years later I started reading novels. I didn’t like them so I left them and moved on to picture books which were easy to understand but I got bored. So I picked on to those dust clad novels and I started liking them. Well I am lying, this is not a movie that the nerdy girl had a makeover and she looked awesome and had revenge on her toxic boyfriend. Soo noo I didn’t love them at once but I do now so looks like I have come across a long way but yeahh I am proud of myself because I love those books now.

Next I remember my first story which I wrote it was titled the wolf and his children. And mind you don’t get fooled it wasn’t a story it was a novel. Endless. But still my parents appreciated me. With time everything has gone a little off the rock. I write stories, articles and many things but I am a very what to say that person who likes everything perfect, success because maybe till this point of my life I have seen success but now when I see the face of failure in everything I do it how to quote this it troubles me. And one thing I have always been proud of my is my writing skills. Which seems questionable right now but it’s how I am. So yeah in this aspect it was not a wholesome character development but yeahh still going on.

Next I remember painting, music and all those things. To tell the truth I liked them but I never realised their worth because they were always with me so I gave up practice. But when I saw everything gone from my hands I was not sad just empty. I realise that I have no other skill that I am good at so maybe just a bit focus would have given me something else to rely on. So it is regret. The feeling. I have realised that the things we get easily once may never cross our way twice so better grab it and tie it with a thick rope. Because yearning for it later on dosen’t help. It just slips out.

Next I remember the small affirmations that yeah I would change this I would do this that. But now I realise that this system is way too rigid to be changed. In trying to become the sun and melt the ice away you rather become the sky and just see it happen. So sorry younger self I have no power to change the world but i still share the same mindset as you. I may not break others comfort bubbles but I can prick mine away. One of my major reasons for being a writer is I don’t want to change anything because it’s not in my hand but I can make you aware. I read somewhere that an artist’s job is not to reform the world but to paint it as it is. So am I an artist. Well no. Maybe but somewhere or the other I can change something so I am stuck in the middle.

After writing all this I remember this poem I read in my childhood “I remember I remember” where the poet reflects about the bliss of his childhood and justifies that it would be better if the night had borne his breath away so that he could not face adulthood. Well I think the poet has shielded himself from the atrocities of childhood and just revealed the good parts. In the same way he has revealed the atrocities of adulthood and shielded the good part. I see the poet is maintaining a balance.